Happy Places: Bagels and Beans

I still need to write about a buckload of things but I never seem to have the time and when I have I usually forget about it. I'm sorry for the silence! Here's a little post for in between since I'm working on editing my photos from Disneyland and want to write a huge post about it since I took a LOT of pictures, haha.
To begin here's a post with lots of instagram pictures of varying quality. I hope it doesn't bother you too much. If you are interested, my instagram is @ilovemyhappiness and I post a lot of happy stuff.

Anyway, I thought it would be time to write about one of my favorite places: Bagels and Beans!
For the people who don't know, Bagels and Beans is a Dutch lunchroom francise originating from Amsterdam, who, unsurprisingly, make really, really good bagels and coffee. But to me, it has become more than that.

For some reason I always find myself in Bagels and Beans if I need some cheering up. There's nearly always one in the neighborhood. The vibe and the environment just radiate happiness and more often than not I've found myself to sit in one of their lunchrooms all afternoon with a matcha latte or a bagel with avocado and hummus (yes, they are vegan friendly!) and my painting supplies. I have finished many paintings there and will probably finish many paintings to come. It's a very relaxing place to be and the decorations make me think of summer and warmth. Most of the lunchrooms also have a terrace which is awesome because painting outside is one of my favorite things.

I often get really fun and nice reactions from the staff when I'm painting and even though I do it all the time all around the city people still get surprised when I ask for a glass of water with my order and whip out my paint set. I have even painted with their coffee once! It creates very nice sepia paintings which smell lovely. The picture above was taken by one of the staff of a Bagels and Beans near my mom's house when I was painting because I wanted to do something comforting after having been to the GP who had stuck about 20 needles in my arm. Of course I ended up here.

This was what I was painting that day, by the way.

The only tiny downside is that their vegan options are limited. The staff is very friendly and willing to veganise your bagel and all of the coffees can be made with soya milk but they really only have one truly vegan bagel option on the menu and it's a bit dull compared to the rest (bagel with hummus and greens). It would be nice if they had more vegan options because they would automatically result in people eating less meat because non-vegan people would probably also order them. Their juices are obviously vegan too but their smoothies aren't. Aside from the tea, their only hot vegan drink is the Matcha Latte (pictured with my face :p).

Vegan food and drink needs to be widely available because it is awesome and not only truly cruelty free but far better for the environment as well. They are very concerned about the environment and try to work with as much organic products as possible, which is awesome, but plant based foods are so much more environmentally friendly than animal based foods!
 It is also a dream of mine that they stock a vegan hot chocolate (Oatly's oat chocolate milk is the best!! hint hint) so if they read this somehow, I hope they listen. :p

Love,
Jopie

Veganuary - my journey to becoming vegan

This January I decided to start with a little something called Veganuary - a challenge to eat vegan for the whole month of January. I eat a lot of vegan food but the step seemed too big to become a vegan, even though I always felt guilty for eating dairy or eggs. Since I'm all into trying new things I decided to take part in Veganuary. It's a british concept I believe, but is of course open to anyone who is interested.

Exactly 2 weeks in I decided that I am going to be a full time vegan. Eating vegan is not as hard as it seems and since we don't need animal products to survive (and thrive), what's the point in eating them when it causes unnecessary harm to billions of animals and there are perfectly good vegan substitutes for everything?

I am now a vegan for three weeks and a few days and I feel awesome. It is so great to have a choice to be able to eat guilt free - it is cheaper than eating omni and nearly everything you need can be bought in your local supermarket or made from ingredients that can be bought in your local supermarket. Lately I have been trying a lot of vegan substitutes for cheese and meat which can not always be bought in a supermarket but of course you don't have to. I just ate a vegan lasagne which tasted no different from the 'real deal'. For people who are concerned about my health: everything your body needs can be found in plants. Vegans do need to watch their iron and b12 levels but if you eat loads of leafy greens like fresh spinach or kale (or even regular apples) you don't have to worry about iron.
B12 isn't naturally found in plants but comes from our soil and can be derived from nutritional yeast or b12 fortified foods. I take a supplement about twice a week to make sure I don't get deficient.
I have the idea that I have been eating much healthier and much more unprocessed since I became a vegan and my body is loving it. I have loads of energy and I am losing a lot of weight that I had gained in the past months.

I am not only convinced that eating vegan is healthier for your body but it is certainly the best thing to do if you care about the environment (did you know that the livestock industry is responsible for more than half of the total greenhouse gas emission?) but is also the very best thing to do if you genuinely care about animals - if you agree with me that living breathing beings with emotions like love, fear, anger and happiness should not be exploited, enslaved, raped, tortured and murdered so we can have food that we don't actually need to survive.

I will of course extend my veganism by not buying any other products that are animal derived or tested on animals (except for necessary medicine).

I am so incredibly happy to have taken the plunge to say no to cruelty and to live happy and guilt free from now on.



Love,
Jopie

Lights in the Darkness

Finding nice things to do in these dark days is really wat keeps me going.
I had a wonderful midwinter celebration with the lovely ladies of Dance of Life.
I don't have any pictures of it as I thought that taking pictures in between all the time would distract me from the celebration itself, which was very intuitive, breathtaking and intense. I discovered a lot about myself and I laughed and cried and danced. It was beautiful.
Dance of Life did actually organise my first celebration and even though this was vastly different, they really have a knack for making me feel comfortable in a room full of strangers; which is quite an achievement. I usually feel very uneasy at parties and tend to avoid them because of that.

I'm not a fan of Christmas because I think its original purpose has been forgotten in the vast amounts of food ugly decorations and the hypocritical peace proclamations (why proclaim peace for a few days while you don't live it the rest of the year?) and I also don't like it for the fact that I'm not a christian and won't ever be. I know that most of the Christmas traditions derive from Yule/midwinter, which is a Pagan festivity that I do celebrate, but I don't like the Christian messages attached to it. Each to his own, I guess. However, Yule is all about the returning of the light and finding lights in the darkness, so that's what I want to talk about today!

Maybe it's that I'm now more aware of it this year compared to other years as I am more aware of the meaning of Yule and living it more, but it surprises me how many 'light' centered events and festivals there are in my surroundings; such as the Amsterdam Light Festival, New Years Eve with the fireworks and the China Light Festival in Utrecht. It makes me very happy to see this and I want to attend them all!

On Christmas Eve I had nothing to do so I went to the China Light Festival with my boyfriend. The China Light Festival takes place in the Botanical Gardens in Utrecht and consists of hundreds of light sculptures in various shapes and sizes - very beautiful! These are some of the pictures I took:

Afterwards, we went to visit the Utrecht city center to have dinner. It was almost surreal - there was no one on the streets at all! The city was beautifully lit though - more lights in the darkness!

The Dom tower was especially beautiful.

After looking for a restaurant for a long time (everything was closed because of Christmas unfortunately) we finally found the perfect place. The vegetarian food they cooked me was delicious. When I go out I rarely eat really good vegetarian food (most food is just a meat dish with the meat left out) but this was amazing. It was a lovely end to a romantic night out.

Love,

Jopie

Happy Things: my water colour set.

Hello there, it's been a while!

I've been incredibly busy with exams and other stuff, which is why I didn't really have time to write a new post. I still need to post something about Yule (winter solstice) as well, which I will do once I've done my personal ritual.

I've been shopping today. I needed some new colours for my water colour set. Water colours are my favorite medium. It allows me to pursue my perfectionism and when done properly gives a painting a luminous quality that you can't achieve with oils or acrylics.

My professional quality water colour set was gifted to me by my mother when I was 11. That means that I've been painting with this set for 13 years already! Every single one of my water colour paintings is made with this set. I have made hundreds, if not thousands of paintings with it.

If I didn't have it, I think that I probably would have been dead. This sounds a bit over dramatic but since painting was my sole refuge from my depression I think that if I didn't have that, I would have gone completely crazy and killed myself. 

I painted 3 to 5 paintings a week when I was in the deepest of my depression. I filled my days with it as painting was the only thing that could bring me a certain peace of mind. I still have all those paintings in boxes in the attic. To be honest most of them are not very good but I don't want to throw them away, just as I feel like I couldn't ever exchange this set for a brand new one. I once thought I lost it somewhere and I was devastated - when it turned up again I was over the moon!

When I came home with my refills I felt the urge to clean my set. I have never done that before as dried up watercolour paint can be re-used and I felt it to be a waste of paint. Needless to say, after 13 years of use it was pretty filthy. I couldn't scrub everything off and some of it is just rust but I am happy with how it looks now and I wanted to share with you the one thing that most probably saved my life. It is rusty and butched and battered, just like I am, but it is still alive, well and doing its job. Just like me!

Thank you, dear old rusty friend, for all these years that you have been there for me when nobody listened. I love you.

Love,

Jopie

So the battle begins!

To be honest, the battle has already been raging for a couple of weeks.

What battle? Well.. the battle against winter depression.

Some of you in colder countries might have experience with this. It is actually quite common, and you don't even have to be depressed to begin with. Know that feeling you get in the winter, when you can't get out of bed, can't bring up the courage to drag yourself to work, to school, or anywhere? Know that feeling that you just want to stay home in your pj's all day and never leave bed? Know that feeling that when you leave for work, it's dark outside, and when you go back, it's dark again; and asking yourself where your day has been? Know that feeling that you just want to turn up the heater all the time because you can't stop feeling chilly? Know that feeling that a simple cold can knock you out for a week because your resistance is so low?

Well, if you think that sounds familiar, you might have a winter depression, just as millions of other people, myself included. 

Winter depression is, simply put, what happens if you don't see enough daylight. Daylight is vital for us, and helps our skin and our body generate a whole bunch of vitamins and also increases our serotonin levels. No daylight can lead to vitamin shortages (which can also be a cause for depression) and low serotonin levels. It can make you feel absolutely terrible. 

Today I will explain how to battle this shortage of daylight and how to conquer it!

The first and best option for battling winter depression is *drumroll* daylight!

Try to walk or simply be in the daylight for at least half an hour a day. If you're at work or at school, try to eat your lunch outside, or take a walk around the block. I know it isn't always possible to get a healthy dose of daylight every day and the light is so much less bright in the winter so I wouldn't advise this as the only solution, but it is certainly the first one to consider.

My second advice would be to take your vitamins. 

Did you know that the overwhelming majority of the people in the world don't get enough vitamins and minerals? The food nowadays is so much stuffed with unhealthy things and does not contain enough to actually make us thrive. I usually eat healthy but I have my days as well, and especially if you eat a lot of prepackaged foods it is not a bad idea to take a multivitamin every day, especially in winter, when your body (due to the shortage of sunlight) does not work as properly as it should be.

To battle a winter depression you should take at least 25 mcg vitamin D, if not more. I usually take 50 mcg myself. A good multivitamin on top of that is never a bad idea. It will help balance your resistance and keep you healthy as well as happy.

The third thing you can do to battle winter depression (this is especially a good idea when you don't have time to walk outside every day) is buy a light therapy lamp or daylight lamp. I got one from my dad last week and I can already tell that it helps. You technically only have to use it for half an hour, seven days a month but I put mine on every morning and evening and it really helps with my day rythm. It's a very easy way because you literally just have to put it on and sit next to it or in front of it. I am currently typing this blog post with my light therapy lamp next to me. If you have a desk job, you could also take it to work and just place it on your desk. 

My fourth advice, given to me by my therapist, is to 'collect your nuts'. She made a comparison to squirrels, who collect nuts in the autumn to help get them through the winter. In short: Go look for stuff, creative projects, series, movies, books, anything you like and collect it all together to help keep yourself busy during the dark days. Like superheroes? Watch a superhero movie every week or get yourself a bunch of comic books. I have a lot of creative projects lined up and am happy to look forward to, and if you keep yourself busy you will have less time for moping and sulking around. Try to do things with your friends as well! Organise parties, get-togethers and movie marathons. Pull yourself and everyone around you out of the misery!

This picture is of one of the 'anti-winterdepression' projects I'm currently working on.

My final advice is something that I figured out by myself. I light a candle every night before I go to bed and just hold it with my eyes closed while sitting on the floor for 10-15 minutes. I try to focus myself on the warmth and light that radiates from the candle - on my skin and through my eyelids. I also like to think about the vital importance of light in this world, and how it will help things grow and thrive; not only plants but animals as well, as well as you and me. If you are able to focus enough, you will feel that slowly, all the stress and the misery will lift off your shoulders and it usually calms me down well enough that I am able to get a good night's sleep.

It's a very simple meditation method but I feel that if I focus myself on what light is and what it does, it also helps me get through the dark days.

I hope this advice will help you make it through the dark days as much as it helps me. 

And remember; the shortest night of the year is already due in less than a month (21 dec), and from there on, things will only get better (and lighter!).

Love,

Jopie

Happy Outfit: Aurora Borealis

This was a post that I started a while ago and never finished. A simple outfit post. I cut my hair in the meantime and it's not as blue anymore but I really like it here!

I was so happy to have found this dress for a good price. It was a limited edition and I missed out on it when it came out. This is also a dress that has a special meaning for me.

Aurora Borealis literally means 'Dawn of the North Wind'. Since the North Wind is often associated with cold, darkness, winter and depression it reminds me a bit of a light in the darkness.

Both Aurora and Boreas are gods in the pre-Christian Roman religion; Aurora is the goddess of dawn, and Boreas the god of the North Wind.

Since I associate my depression so strongly with the contrast of light and dark, visually, it reminded me of how there is always hope. I specifically wanted to have this for the winter, even though it's not warm at all, but just to remind me that even in the darkness there is light. And beautiful light too.

As I said, I cut my hair in the meantime and the hairdresser cut almost all the blue off :( it was very damaged though. I'm going to rebleach and dye it soon!

I'm wearing eyeshadows by Boozy Cosmetics and the lipstick is Serpentina by Lime Crime.

Love,

Jopie

Happy Place: my home.

After the quite alarming post I did on Saturday night I am doing much better now. I received so many inbox messages and I'm so happy and flattered with them. One message was from my aunt, who promised me a few months ago to do some cleaning for me as a birthday present. I didn't feel guilty about collecting that present because she offered it before so we worked all day and now my kitchen and living room are completely clean. I still need to do the bathroom and two other rooms but the most important spaces in the house are clean and so cosy! I could not resist taking some pictures of my living room as it looks now.

Here is the infamous 'after' picture of the picture I had posted in my last post:

Looks better eh? The stuff on my table are in fact my study books that I have yet to find a place for since my bookshelves are overflowing. I've put some birthday cards and other nice stuff there as well. I still need to pin those to my kitchen cupboard but for now they look nice.

This is my couch, on which I am sitting typing this right now. I made the curtains myself; they have ladybugs on it. I have a ladybug tattoo on my foot as well that's actually inspired by these curtains. They are some kind of symbol of freedom for me.

This is my old granny TV, with built in VHS player! In the cupboard is my collection of video tapes (mostly Disney). Even though my TV is huge, heavy and not very handy at all, I love it and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

The flowers really are the finishing touch.

And what is a lovely morning like without the most delicious breakfast? Spinach salad with cherry tomatoes, avocado, olive oil, flax and hemp seeds and cashews. Yum!

In the mess, I sometimes forget what a beautiful little house I have and how happy and blessed I feel to live here. I really hope I can keep it clean now, despite being away all the time and despite owning so much stuff. Forsaking household tasks is a symptom of depression. However, I think that it might be something else too. I am incredibly disorganised. I am unable to keep a diary or any kind of schedule. I have a very scattered concentration; one moment I'm literally hyperfocused, and the other I'm completely disoriented. I even paint during my lectures because it helps me stay hyperfocused, while lectures, even though I often find them very interesting, make me fall asleep. It's not that I don't want to clean my house, clean my mind or keep a schedule, I just can't do it. And it drives me crazy.

I think these problems are not only a symptom but also the source of my depression, apart from the traumas that I've had in my past and still have issues with. I think I might have undiagnosed Attention Deficit Disorder. I've decided to pluck up the courage and talk about it with my therapist, from whom I even kept this because I was too ashamed of it and therefore always waved away, as I did with so many of my other problems. This is yet another that I have to face as well. But I have regained confidence in myself and I really hope I can sort it out, be it with therapy or medication. This is really a huge step for me as I have always shunned any form of therapy or medication and am afraid of it. I took the step to visit a therapist at the beginning of this year, and now I'm taking another step to help try and finish off one of the deepest roots of my problems.

Thanks to everyone who read my last post and was concerned with me. I feel so happy to have so many dear people around me. Thank you!

Love,

Jopie